Three Folxs That I Love

There are three folxs that I love and that I will not allow to put me six feet under. The first one is father. He is the one that is acting strange and I cannot fathom his behavior. He has been off meds for two years and that is hurting me deeply. I know that he needs them in order to behave and function normally in today's society. Not just because I am a psych major but because I am close to my father, this greatly disturbs me. I was always the "pet" you all know what I mean- the special one who is special. I don't know why. The one that was always there for him. The one that felt bad for him when mother mistreated him. Now he is acting like he is young again, feelin his oats like they say, lettin the young gals say any and everything to him that's in the book but not legal, if you know what I mean....One high yella gal got 400.00 out of him to get her car fixed and she didn't get it fixed...I can just wring my hands around her neck, but he's a big boy at 71, wouldn't you say? And she's only 25? He has a grandchild that age, he just bests to go somewhere and sit down, cross his legs and listen to Sam Cooke and the Soul Stirrers like he used to. Now, he has a bad foot, keeps bleedin, running to the e-room day and night only to be sent back home...I guarantee you he does not want to stay even if they offered him to because he just can't sit down because of being in a state of mania. Yes, mania will come to you if you have been off the meds, think you don't need them and you want to run around day and night to the store for your neighbors, charging them when they are seniors just like you are. Love him as he is, I am told. I am tryin, but it is hard when I know that the real Mr. W. would be sittin still chillin somewhere and not scattered all over society. I am going to try again to have him committed because he needs to be on the meds and stabilized again, but in the meantime I have to remain stable to my cause and that is to remain a student and to write,write, write and pray, pray, pray.

Person number two is mother. What is it with her? Of course, I love her. But the issues need to be resolved. I am the oldest daughter and the one that she fears the most. So what if I don't have a Ford Focus, a full-time job with the state, and a home. No, I am a university student, rely on public transportation and I live in what mother would call "the projects." I won't let that define me though, for I live in "low income housing." They can do their thing and I can do mine.
God above knows that I am seekin a better place, but right now I have a roof and no one here interferes directly with my roof. They know what's best, leave Ms. S alone for she has attitude. Yes, sistah has attitude! Y'all used me from the crackhead to the teen, drama queens in between. Let me carry my bookbag, push buggy, Minolta camera, and whatever else I possess...I don't have a drug habit that's me, if y'all do, deal with it, and let me deal with whatever I have to..Cause you people have no respect for others. Yes, mother I have to put up with these conditions and you think I wanna be here, you are wrong, mom dear. I am doing the best I can to get out and I will. God is the judge, the statue-giver and he knows that I am tired. And another thing, I don't have a man, I don't wanna man and I did not say whether I was on the low or not--you ought to know me, people around here never see me with a man now and I know what they think but I could care less! People that pick me up to go places I need to go are women but they are either widows or single women in relationships-but I don't get too close to certain women anyway-they have a way of gossipping all the time. (Sing it to me Stevie, right now) Oh, I can write about now, I write or I die. Not tryin to copy Jackie's style the write or die chick, but her saying is true. If she can't be the poet, she be the poem. Oh, I love her style. I luv to keep people guessin. Guess you all, guess. My lifestyle is one big question mark?????in the ghetto and I like that. I notice though, Mom that a lot of young men in their 20's are starring me up and down, and they are lookin mighty fine, I just have my cute little bouncy walk, different hairstyle for each day of week and I guess they like my style cause I am not caught up in this hood nonsense....Mom, I know you see that I don't have a relationship right now, don't feel guilty cause you blamed me for the "secret" that when revealed an unfair accusation was made. I hate sometimes when that statement comes up, it stings like a bee ( I never been stung, but I know it hurts) A woman 47 don't have to be on the low because she don't have a man and I bet you are comparing me with Uncle J. How smart we are yet quiet about our "lifestyle" I aint talkin. I eat potatoe chips and listen to music at 2am. If necessary, I will get up and dance in the mirror, shaking my hips and a snappin my fingers, (Stevie, keep on singing...keep on singin, I have to cope..in "Pretty Boys," the question was asked of Shanta what did she do for sex and she simply said : "Survive'" well I am no different. I SURVIVE If I survived a yearly secret as a teenager, I can survive now. I had a husband, I had a "young" man after that and I am alright as I am. I am too busy to deal with anyone other than me. I am enough.

My neighborhood son-Homeboy, yeah I miss you but you have to learn the hard way. You know that I always wanted a son and you were the chosen one. Why you, I thought you were special and you still are. You don't fit the bill, tryin to be like the others out there. Yeah, you broke my heart. And you know it and that is why you keep runnin when you see me. You used me until you used me up. And to think: Some people thought you and I*******, boy don't get me started, I will turn this whole neighborhood inside out. They caused me to lose a semester, caused me to lose money, and I can say more all because I was tryin to help you read, rite, rithmetic (lol) Everything I taught you was beneficial for you and you knew it. You are the one with the guilty conscience for I taught you about that. And you give grandma all the credit-the one who knew you were takin advantage of me, the one who knows of all your dealings in the street and she did not protect me from you. She allowed you to use me, I have to pray to God every nite, I do that you don't get hurt out there in those streets. Now, I am back to where I started when I moved in this hood, I have no friends for I thought I had a friend and you were. The only thing you had done wrong was to lie, deceit your way when I ask you not to do so, you used my money for a purpose otherwise intended which could have gotten me into some trouble. I see how you respect me now, you will vacate your premises when you see me. I hope that I am not in your way...I have no where else to go right now...you are in your own way. I was the real mother you never had. You and your sister know better, you know where you should go to get out of this mess here. But this is the life you want, so you are 18 now, you think you are grown now, I cannot help you , ask those so-called friends for help. And at nite like I said when you are in your room and you have no one in the room with you and you are tryin to go to sleep , try prayin to the Creator. You cannot call me, my numbers are changed, you cannot use me ever again for I gave you a year to leap, my book is called: "Leap Year". I really have grown to love you like you were my own and now I know what it feels like to be a "real mother" My heart will never be broken again. By you, or anyone else. I have had enough. I warned you. Well, peace be upon you, sleep tight my neighborhood son. I hand you over to God.

Three folxs who will not put me six feet under....but i love them....

georgia peach